called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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