I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
