i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
