I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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