Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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