she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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