I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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