Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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