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So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up backwards on a recliner
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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