took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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