The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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