You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
