I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
