good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
