Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
