Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Be still, my beating vagina.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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