He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
