If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
