Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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