So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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