Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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