I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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