The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
