I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
