apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
