She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
