So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
