bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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