Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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