Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
