I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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