my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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