Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
