Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
