I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
