well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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