K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
