I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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