And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
