Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
