Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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