my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
