dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
