Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she told me i tasted like america
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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