u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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