I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
and you fell through a lawn chair
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
