I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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