My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
