I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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