He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
