At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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