So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
