I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
