dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
