Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
