and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
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My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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