MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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