yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
