Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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