Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
