I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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