everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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