i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
soo... how was my night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
