Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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