I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he shaved USA in his pubs
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i drank out of a bidet.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
